It began with a simple dream. It ended with a barrage of them. Like his beloved goldfish, Adam longed for freedom.
It was obvious that his wife, Mandy, despised him and on several occasions, whilst nibbling Caerphilly cheese and thumbing through his favourite golf manual, he had wondered why he had ever married her. His conclusion was usually the same.
Adam had been brought up by a foster family and his new parents had been functional rather than loving. There had been a clear pecking order within the household: the two greyhounds, his foster parents’ daughter, her three-legged terrapin, then, finally, himself.
Mandy was eleven years his senior and she had taken on the role of the mother he’d never had. Now, at the age of 40, Adam was ready to fly the nest.
Adam was now a man.
His initial escape plan paid homage to the legendary Scottish rebel, William Wallace and the ‘Braveheart’ approach. Simply dress up in a kilt, paint your face in a macho way, shout: “Freedom!” and then storm out of the house with a packed lunch and a chocolate milkshake.
He already had the fancy-dress outfit, which consisted of a tartan car rug, an old fur stole and Mandy’s hideous Sunday-pink lipstick. Although, on the last occasion he had worn the outfit he’d won a humiliating prize for impersonating Britney Spears.
No, on second thoughts, Adam decided not to ‘uncouple’ in a camp sort of way, he would devise a far more cunning plan . . . Coming soon . . . Part Four: ‘The Pendle Witch Test’