Adam and Eva - continuing my yarn for a sluggish train (Part Five: ‘A Far More Cunning Plan’)

April 2015 Pendle Hill copy.jpg

In a desperate effort to try and unhinge his wife and instigate divorce proceedings, Adam decided to feign a midlife crisis. He had always suspected that Mandy was attracted to his youthful, guileless mannerisms and toy-boy status, so he began to deliberately distort this perception by acquiring a second-hand racing bike, a khaki cap and squeezing his body inside multi-coloured lycra.

To enhance his new persona, he also began to wear a single earring. However, giving in to his fear of the blood and horror of an actual piercing, he raided the fancy-dress box and discovered a small clip-on bauble. The purple bead-like object had once belonged to Mandy’s spinster sister, which made him feel even more devious.

Finally, he invested in some practical jokes; a hideous rubber slug for the lounge and a toxic potion of itching powder mixed with black pepper for insertion into Mandy’s bras. Adam surveyed his new mischievous toolkit and smiled. Now he was officially middle-aged.

His cunning plan was still in its infancy when he was summoned to the study. “You stupid boy!” Mandy shouted, as she hurled the rubber slug towards his head. “Your actions are despicable and you will have to be disciplined. You’re not playing golf at the weekend, because you’ll be in detention.”

“Detention?” Adam gawped at her. “You can’t . . . I’m nearly forty-one!”

“More like fourteen! Your clubs are locked up in my office at the school.”

Mandy aggressively scratched her bosom. “Anyway, you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve found your matching earring.”

Coming soon . . . Part Six: ‘The Marriage Guidance Counsellor’

Catch up with Adam and Eva

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